Okay citizens of tumblr, my final and desperate plea.
I’ve said it before, ‘this is hard to do’ ‘I should be able to support myself’ etc. etc. etc. but I’m now past the point of having pride.
I struggle to keep the story short, but here goes: I’ve had Type 1 diabetes for nearly 16 years. Between 2009-2013 I had mysterious symptoms that doctors couldn’t get to the bottom of that completely stopped me from functioning in day to day life. Bed bound, and often hospital bound, I had to leave university.
After much fighting with doctors and paying privately, I was finally diagnosed with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. In July 2013 I had a ‘flare up’ of both conditions and ended up in intensive care, being told I might not make it through the night. A wake up call for a 20 year old.
I’m now on a clinical trial for the POTS and my diabetes is back under control. I still have bad episodes, but I’m better. After my wake up call, I decided not to settle and to try and go back to university on my dream degree program at UCL.
However it’s become increasingly clear that I can’t fund this anymore.
In two weeks, I have the final stage of the application process for my dream degree - but that is slipping away. I have been unwell in the past month, again, and have barely been paid enough to just ‘survive’, despite trying to work nearly full time, without tuition costs, exam costs etc.
Reblog it, tweet it, Facebook it, spread the word, and I am forever in your debt. You can read the full, longer story, here
It takes every ounce in my body not stab this bitch in the eye with my insulin pen, I’m taking medication not stabbing babies take your fuckin judging eyes away,dicknose.
I thought it would destroy me but no I am fighting the bitch every day
"Oh okay I will stop eating junk food and workout and my diabetes will disappear and I won’t need insulin anymore, you’re so smart why didn’t I think of that ?"
Can I join the diabetic community here, bc you all are super fuckin awesome and I guess I could use people who would understand type 1 diabetes
"I’m hungry, but I can’t eat because I haven’t given myself insulin yet.
I’m tired, so I didn’t eat and now my body has had too much insulin.
I feel like vomiting, because for whatever reason my blood sugar is high. It also makes me sweat. My head pounds. My eyes dry out, my lips chap.
My hands are shaking. I feel faint. My life is flashing before my eyes. “I am going to pass out and hit my head.” The juice isn’t working yet.
I have somewhere to be so I can’t stop and eat.
“Why are you late?” I say nothing, I’d rather become a silent warrior remembered for a quiet battle than a loud one against my own blood.
It’s another day now. At my worst, I’m vomiting. At my best, I have hours of stable numbers - but I keep checking.
Any night could be my last. My body can trick itself into starving my brain.
I’m just lazy, dramatic, late, eating the wrong foods, doing the wrong things, staying up too late…
It is something you never stop thinking about; something you fight against every second like an ugly monster under your bed - but people see what they want to see.
I am the monster, because you don’t like blood and you’re scared of needles. You wince when I prick and stick myself.
You don’t know how my machines work and you wish I’d put them away, but not before quizzing me endlessly.
“What does that do?”
“What is that for?”
And you think I don’t see the relief on your face. You think I can’t read every
‘Glad it isn’t me…’
look that’s thrown my way?
I can. and I’m also glad it isn’t you, too. because you could never be strong enough."
I don’t know anything about gemma styles other than she is really pretty and is harry’s sister but I just love her idk I think she is really cool and she’s my favorite 1d sister of all of them